Thursday, January 19, 2012Y
No one ll remember this day
I can bet 100% no one ll remember tomorrow...except for my family but i doubt that too
Why do I always have to face all these miseries again and again why.??
Where did all my prayers went??
When it is gonna be heard.??
Why does the GoD like to play around my feelings...One day all the good things ll come to me and gone all the next day...
Why do I have to cry always because of this.??
When I thought my life is gonna change at least a little I know there must be something wrong and yea it is indeed...
I can forget about all my wishes and hopes...They will never never ever come true...I promise I ll never wish or hope for anything because everything in the world is fake...to live in this REALITY world is really harsh...
I just realised I couldn't be myself anymore after the incident..like I have no hope of being myself anymore...In fact I forgot how I used to be the cheerful and not taking everything serious me anymore...I forgot how to laugh and joke around anymore..I really forgot how to..If there is anyone that ll ever realised my changes I hope well I only have hope on this Please help me to be my old self again please.?
9:32 PM
Wednesday, January 18, 2012Y
FUCK YOU.!
EFFF YOU BASTARD.!!
HOW COULD YOU.???!!like WTF WTH what was all that about???
1st you told me all the sweet stuffs...and after that you ask me to pretend that as though nothing has happened...YOU ARE A JERK MAN.!
Seriously I swear to GOD if I ever fall for you again my life ll be shorten by 10 FREAKING YEARS.!! I mean it.!!
why the hell did I ever went to your place.???I felt humiliated.!today was the most embarrassed day of my 19 freaking life on earth..!I HATE MYSELF seriously I do... : ((((
1:11 AM
Wednesday, January 4, 2012Y
I SCREWED UP.!
I SCREWED MY 1st JOB INTERVIEW
It was an interview for accounts clerk...YES it has a lot to do with accounting and I yes i took accounting subjects few years back for SPM..and now to do recalling I can't recall anything...
I basically had forgotten everything I learned and yea the interviewer did asked me many many questions about accounting and all I did was just smiling besides giving all wrong answers.!(damn!)
pheww...at least is over I can finally breathe a sigh of relief...TEEHEE XD
Back to the emo side of me..as usual
Yesterday I came to realise like finally realised when I should have already realise it many months ago...
I was deeply hurt by guys...I never been into any relationships but it just felts that I just broke up many many times...
Why am i saying this.? Well to many guys I am just like sort of a toy for them to release their anger.
Never once any of them actually cares for my feelings..How do I put this in words..hmmm
Here the story goes~They screwed up in their relationships and heyy they saw me desperately in need for guys...so they stopped by and say hey let's do the flirting job..and there goes me thinking they are actually serious about it...and yea heyy i fell for it..and then heyy they start playing around my feelings so I fall harder for them so this ll boast their confidence to get hook up with the next girl..and then when they finally got me in the trap they just go MIA leaving me in confuse and then come back many many YEARS(days/weeks) later saying just the "HI" word like how they did on the 1st day..and I was like "HI" confusing about what does "HI" means this time but never mind that is nothing..main thing is what is their purpose coming back saying "HI"??
You might be wondering what I was yapping and babbling all the way...well my point is all the guys that are revolving around me are never serious about me..
They came to me befriended with me and they started flirting and making me confuse about the whole conversation..and then just leave me blankly...
I have been fooled all the way growing up about feelings~
The scenes are like this..
People ll come to me and say "Hey you are getting prettier.." and I believed..and they ll say this
"You actually believe it??hahaha please look into the mirror LAH!"
2nd scene
"Hey you are getting slimmer.." I believed..and their reply
"HAHAHA..you believe it??look into the mirror lahhhh..hahahaha
3rd scene
"Hey I had a crush on you I miss you and I wanna hug you = )"
I started to believe that god has finally found that I existed and
start showering me with attentions and love..I fell for it
But it never last..It just stops there and nothing happens after that
and I realised I was dumbfounded..
4rd scene
He: Come on come on tell me!
Me: Yes yes I think I like you..
He: What??lol hahaha
Me: ...
He: I am sorry but I am not ready for a relationship...haha =)
Me: ...
So why bother asking me to confess when you know I am gonna
get a rejection in return..you could have just told me that you are not ready for it so I won't confess and I wont get hurt..And wait you laughed about it??Was it a joke..Or you are just wanting to hurt me like how your ex did to you??excuse me what happened between you and your EX is your problem don't take any revenge on me..1st of all I never exist in your fight or quarrel..so why involve me.??
ALL guys are just a jerk for me...Yea they play the game called flirting with me because they know I ll fall for it and then dump me after that..because they know they can use me and then throw me away when they do not need me anymore..that is just what I am for to them..I am nothing..just someone they can use when they screwed up their relationships..I understand now..well I don't mind if in future any guys ll do that to me again..but this time I ll never fall for any of those traps again..THE END~
7:53 PM
I Wanna Just DIE
I CAN'T HOLD ON TO IT ANYMORE.!!
There is time where I felt I don't longer know who I am anymore..
I lost so many friends last year..and poof I felt I have lost practically everyone.
Sometimes, I feel that no one that actually cares for me anymore..
And I am always faking my feelings these days when hanging out with friends..
I know I am not that kind of person..I always thought I am the outgoing person...not really that hyper but at least I could still mix around..but now I am just so reluctant to socialize and love to isolate myself..
I got the feelings that everyone is trying to avoid me and doesn't like to come to me thinking I am the arrogant type of girl..Seriously am I really that horrible..and am I not likable..??
I guess I just need time to get over all the feelings I developed last year..I am still hoping for that special some one to help me overcome all the depressions I am having.
I could only say this now NO ONE TRULY UNDERSTANDS ME..NO ONE
10:16 PM
